Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
