Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
