I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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