let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We need to rekindle our bromance
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
