yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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