Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
