Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
