Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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