A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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