You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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