I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize