how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My feet surprised me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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