I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
