dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
