remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
