I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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