the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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