The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
