I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
