Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize