Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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