It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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