Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
