You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
