I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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