Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
