you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
