I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
this just has baby written all over it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
