Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I looked at my own cervix.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
