Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
