omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
