Kareoke will never be a sober sport
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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