Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
