Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
