My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
