Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
