he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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