They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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