dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
