I cannot find my penis.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
