Do you still have your period?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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