we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
