You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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