tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
