I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
