She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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