i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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