Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize