i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
