To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need to align my fucking chakras
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
