Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize