...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
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