He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
