The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
