It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
