I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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