I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
