OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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