the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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