We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
