Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
