Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
