Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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