so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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