I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
