he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
