Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
