i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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