i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
