She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dick very happy bro
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize