why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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