i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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